Difficult Personalities

Abigail Noel • February 4, 2021
We have all come across personality traits that pose a challenge to us, whether it’s frequent gossiping, constant complaining, aggression or hostility, or outright selfishness. While it is possible for someone with a difficult personality to change, the chances of them deciding to do so are unlikely. The best approach that you can take is to learn how to best deal with those traits in ways that won’t cause you
additional stress or hurt. Below are some tips to help you navigate that difficult personality:
  • Remain Calm. When emotions are high, your ability to think clearly and assess the situation is at its lowest. Take a few moments to step away, do some deep breathing, imagine a peaceful scene, take a walk, whatever helps you get your heart rate and blood pressure back to a normal level. Revisit when you feel you are prepared to approach things with an open mind.
  • Don’t take it personally. People act the way that they do as a result of their past experiences. Behaviors that have worked for them in the past tend to continue because they have learned that these behaviors are effective in getting them what they want. Remind yourself that their behavior has nothing to do with you and much more to do with their lack of knowledge about healthy social skills.
  • Use empathy. Try to understand where the person is coming from. Someone who is always trying to show off their knowledge or belittle your ideas may be doing so because they feel insecure about their own self-worth. Someone who is constantly expressing negativity may have had some very difficult or traumatic life experiences.
  • Find areas of agreement. Look at your exchange as an opportunity to learn more about what you can do to get him or her to respond favorably. Allow the other person to vent his or her frustrations (to a certain extent) and keep a calm and steady demeanor to defuse the situation. Ask questions to get more information and practice active listening skills (healthy eye contact, non-threatening body language, etc.). Find out what each of you wants to achieve and talk about how you can best work together to reach your goals.
  • “I”-Statements. Beginning a statement with “I” instead of “You” is more likely to be received by the other person as an expression of your feelings rather than a personal attack on them. Talk to the person about how you feel when they say or do certain thing (Ex: “I feel hurt when my ideas are shot down before I’ve finished explaining.”). Use a calm and non-threatening manner with the intent to clear up possible miscommunication.
  • Know when to let it go. Sometimes, you just need to pick your battles and know when to laugh it off. For example, trying to convince someone that he or she is too negative, too aggressive, or too much of a know-it-all may be a lost cause since most of the time, people with these personality traits lack the self-awareness it takes to recognize how hurtful, harmful, or unhealthy these behaviors are. Keep a confident, non-judgmental, solution-oriented attitude and accept the fact that even though you can’t make anyone change, you can change how you respond to them.
  • Get help. People with challenging personality traits can sometimes tap into unresolved issues we may still have from our past. If you find that you are having a hard time dealing with a challenging individual or group of individuals, it may be helpful to talk to a mental health professional about your difficulties. In doing so, you may be able to identify some personal issues that you weren’t even aware were affecting you.
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