Whether we are conscious of it or not, we go around all day talking to ourselves. We interpret everything we experience and encounter. Our perception is due to that little voice in our heads. It tells us why something happened, how we should respond, and what to think of ourselves and others. This internal conversation is called “self talk.”

Self-talk assigns labels to everything: This is great, irritating, awesome, terrible, boring etc. So what’s the problem with that? Well, self-talk can sometimes be inaccurate, too harsh or jump to conclusions. When this happens, it is called negative self-talk.

We all have negative self-talk sometimes. The problem is that our thoughts directly lead to how we feel. Negative self-talk = negative feelings. We get into a pattern of thinking it and believing it without stepping back to examine the evidence or look at it from a different perspective.

Being able to catch negative self talk is critical. The good news is that all negative self-talk has the same pattern. The words themselves box you and others in, leaving no room for possibilities or solutions. Negative self-talk exaggerates, are inaccurate or focus solely on the negative aspects.

• There is no use I can’t do it
• People won’t like me
• I’m not enough
• I must be perfect
• People always let me down
• I’ll never be enough
• Should be this way

Challenging self-talk means testing it for accuracy.

Reality testing

• What is the evidence for and against my thinking?
• Is it a fact or an interpretation?
• Am I jumping to conclusions?
• How can I find out if my thought is true?

Alternative explanations

• What are the other ways to look at this?
• What else could this mean?

Perspective

• Is this situation as bad as it feels?
• What is the worst that can happen?...how likely will it occur?
• What is the best that can happen?
• What is likely to happen? Will this matter in five years?

Goal Directed Thinking

• Is thinking this way helpful?
• What can I do to solve the problem?
• What can I learn from this situation for next time?

Learning to challenge negative self talk takes some practice but the pay off is big in that it will positively impact your mood and conflict

management skills.

Recognize it when we hear it, “Oh, that is negative self-talk”, and work to not simply accept it at face value. Pay attention to what you are tell yourself, because after all, you are listening!



https://city.milwaukee.gov/ImageLibrary/User/jkamme/EAP/EAP_Newsletter_2017_March.pdf