Overcome negative self-talk more effectively by “flipping the script” and transforming the moment of negativity into positive energy. Examples: Whether you stub your toe or are criticized on the job, be aware of the impulse to engage in negative self-talk. Instead, think “I could make myself feel worse or beat myself up about this, but I refuse. I’ll focus on preventing a similar experience.” If you’re dieting, don't say, “I can't have cake.” This is self-limiting and self-punishing. Flip the script and say, “I don’t want cake.” It’s more empowering. Be your own best personal coach. After a mistake, rather than say, “I am not good at this,” flip the script, and consider how to do it better. If you don’t know how, say to yourself, “if I did know how to do this better, what could I be doing?” Then try that! Your EAP can suggest other strategies for fighting negativity. Give us a call today! https://www.oldwestbury.edu/sites/default/files/legacy/documents/Frontline%20March%202020%20-%20final.pdf

Is work stress coming home with you, along with tension, irritability, and anxiety? Experiment with these environmental controls and behavioral tactics to see if they don’t steer your thoughts and reflexes away from work and worries. Before leaving work, participate in a ritual that “completes your day.” For example, put things away, stack paper neatly, roll your chair under your desk, dust a couple of shelves, or empty the wastebasket. Take a good look at your office or work space, “feel the completion” of your day—and leave. These behaviors, practiced daily for just a week, will begin to compartmentalize work and home. If bringing work home is unavoidable, don’t place it on the kitchen counter , dinette, or with house clutter as you walk through the door. Instead, create a special location in your home physically removed from areas where you engage with loved ones. Create digital communication habits that reinforce boundaries. For example, on your voicemail, say that you are gladly available, but only if it is urgent, along with instructions for the caller for what to do next. Note that you can experience a reduction in unnecessary phone calls if you simply allow the caller to decide if the concern is so urgent that it can’t wait. Most of the time, it really can. Compartmentalization, boundaries, and smartphone management—these are instruments of work-life balance. Make them work for you.  https://www.oldwestbury.edu/sites/default/files/legacy/documents/Frontline%20February%202020_0.pdf

Everyone experiences job-related setbacks and mistakes at work (“a bad day”). Our initial focus is usually how awful we feel or how unfair “it” all seemed. The challenge is moving past the negativity. Try these strategies to increase your resilience. Here are six “Ts” to recapture a positive you: Temporary: Remind yourself that feeling bad is temporary; it will soon dissipate. Teach: What can the day teach you? What part of it will add to your skills and abilities? Talk: Talk and vent your experience with a friend to experience emotional release. Twirl: Move, exercise, or play—engage in physical activity to influence a positive mood. Transcribe: Write down your feelings. Thanks: Focus on two or three things you are grateful for despite the setback, to help reenergize positivity. https://www.oldwestbury.edu/sites/default/files/legacy/documents/Frontline%20February%202020_0.pdf

Don't let misconceptions stand in the way of getting help

Ideally, the people around you will understand your illness and encourage you. But the important people in your life might not know much about mental illness. They may want to help you, but not know how to help. You can give friends and family a better chance to help by thinking ahead about how to tell them about your mental health. Who To Tell Talking about mental illness can be risky. When thinking over the pros and cons of telling someone, also consider the pros and cons of not telling them. The positives and negatives are different for everyone and thinking them through can help you decide what's right for you. Being able to offer emotional support is not something that everyone knows how to do. It's a skill that takes practice. Some people may not be able to offer emotional support. If you have relatives or friends who lack this skill, that doesn't mean they don't love you. You might want to make a list of the people you're considering telling. Include the people you feel closest to. Also list the most emotionally skilled people you know, even if you don't know them as well. Consider the names. Which of your close friends and family are most skillful at offering understanding? Which ones are best at listening or giving a hug when you're down? What about the people who are good listeners? Which of these "A grade" people could you talk to? How And What To Talk About You can get the best support possible by planning the conversation. Consider including three items: "Process" talk Specific problem Suggestions for how loved ones can help "Process" talk means "talking about talking," rather than talking to share information. Prepare your listener for an important conversation by using "process" talk. Here are some ways to begin a process talk: "I want to talk to you about something important. I'm not sure how to talk about it, though. Can you just listen to me and try to understand? I'm hoping I'll feel better after talking about it with someone, but I need you to be patient." "There's something going on in my life that's bothering me. I think I need to talk to someone about it. I feel embarrassed about it, though, so please don't laugh it off or make a joke out of it." "I'm not sure if this will make sense. I feel uncomfortable talking about it, but I want to tell someone. Because you're an RA, I hope you'll be able to give me advice on what to do next for help." Concrete examples of what you mean by "mental illness." Every case of mental illness is different. To get the best support possible, share one or two examples of what's causing you stress: "I think something's wrong because I can't sleep more than a couple hours at night. It's hurting my work and I feel out of control." "I've started skipping classes sometimes. I'm worried I'll stop leaving the apartment if I don't get help." "The doctor said I have bipolar disorder. Sometimes I feel like things are getting out of control and I’m not sure how to keep myself together." Suggest ways to support you. Family and friends may not know what they can do to help. You can get the best support by asking for specific types of help: "I'm scared to make an appointment because that's like admitting there's something wrong. But I need to see a doctor. Can you help me find one and follow through?" "I'm not thinking clearly these days. I'm getting treatment for a mental illness, but it might take a while to feel right. Until then, when I do something that makes you uncomfortable, can you please tell me what I'm doing instead of getting freaked out?" "I'm not supposed to drink alcohol with my medications. I'm going to try not to drink at parties, but I need my close friends to encourage me and help me keep my social life." "I'm feeling better. But once in a while, can you tell me you're there for me and give me a hug?" By telling the right people and suggesting ways for loved ones to help, you can start building a strong social support network. At first, you might be afraid to talk about your experiences. But don't give up looking for support and encouragement from others. You'll discover that many people want to help you. You don't have to share everything. Decide in advance what parts of your experience you'll talk about and what parts you won't. Stand by your decision. It's perfectly understandable to answer a question with a statement like “I'd rather not talk about that right now.” Make sure to share the good things. Explain how your illness has taught you new things, or about experiences you were able to have in spite or, or because of, your illness. Set boundaries. Be clear with people about when you want their advice and when you just want them to listen. Also realize that people come with their own opinions, informed and otherwise, so be patient when explaining. If they try to discredit you, gently remind them that you are the one living with the illness, and you know yourself best. Let them know how they can support you. Everyone has different needs, and different people respond in different ways. Think about your needs ahead of time, and about whether this person can support you, if there are resources that would help her or him understand what you're going through, or if she or he says no. Some people may not be able to handle disclosure, so it may be difficult to expect support from them. However, there are many people who will probably feel honored that you shared this with them, and whom will be happy to do what they can.  https://www.nami.org/Your-Journey/Individuals-with-Mental-Illness/Disclosing-to-Others

Rather than using the term domestic violence, which is often equated with spousal abuse, we think of the problem as the broader one of family violence. This includes intimate partner violence, as well as other kinds of violence: child abuse, child-to-parent abuse, elderly abuse, and abuse by former family members, such as ex-spouses. Like many difficult problems, family violence can be uncomfortable to talk about. As an EAP, it's an issue we are very familiar with. Many people who call us for help are debilitated from coping with family violence and issues that are so often intertwined: substance abuse, depression, or mental illness. One myth about domestic violence is that it always involves physical or sexual assault. Not true. It might include threats, intimidation, humiliation, stalking, emotional abuse, exerting financial control, or isolation from friends and family. A common abusive technique is called gaslighting or manipulating someone by psychological means to a point where the victim questions their own sanity or worth. Barriers to getting help can be varied and complex: Fear of the abuser finding out. Fear that an escape attempt will fail and make things worse. Feeling stuck. Having no resources. Not knowing how to get away or where to turn. Shame. Not wanting others to know. Feeling protective about the abuser, particularly when it is a child inflicting violence on a parent. Love or need. Believing promises that it won’t happen again. Feeling the abuser “needs me.” Denial. It’s not that bad. It was an accident. It was my fault. Signs of Abuse Signs of physical abuse include: Black eyes Bruises on the arms Busted lips Red or purple marks on the neck Sprained wrists It's also common for someone to try to cover up the physical signs with clothing, such as, wearing long sleeves or scarves in the hot summer, wearing heavier than normal makeup or donning sunglasses inside. Emotional signs of abuse include: Agitation, anxiety, or constant apprehension Changes in sleep habits (sleeping too much or not enough) Developing a drug or alcohol problem Extremely apologetic or meek Loss of interest in daily activities Low self-esteem Seeming fearful Symptoms of depression Talking about or attempting suicide You may notice a person: Becomes reserved and distant Begins isolating themselves by cutting off contacts with friends and family members Cancels appointments or meetings with you at the last minute Drops out of activities they would usually enjoy Exhibits excessive privacy concerning their personal life or the person with whom they're in a relationship Is often late to work or other appointments What controlling behavior looks like: Domestic abuse is not about violence, it's about control. If you notice that someone seems to be controlled or extremely manipulated in all areas of their life, it could be a sign they are being abused at some level. Here are some examples of control: Asking permission to go anywhere or to meet and socialize with other people Constant calls, texts, or tracking by their partner wanting to know where they are, what they are doing, and who they are with. Having very little money available to them, not having access to a credit card, or having to account for every penny spent Not having access to a vehicle Referring to their partner as "jealous" or "possessive," or always accusing them of having affairs What to do if you need help yourself: Learn more about how to recognize abuse. Learn about local help resources in advance. Domestic violence agencies provide: Emotional support, safety planning, a safe place to stay in an emergency, legal help, and help with housing. If you feel in immediate danger, call 911. Otherwise, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE) or 1-800-787-3224 (TTY) or call your EAP. Local Resources by County: Chemung County - Salvation Army - Safehouse, 607-732-1979 Schuyler County - Catholic Charities of Chemung/Schuyler County, 607-742-9629, cs-cc.org/program-services/victim-services/ Steuben County - Arbor Housing & Development Domestic Violence Services, 800-286-3407, arbordevelopment.org/domestic-violence-services Tompkins County - Advocacy Center, 607-277-5000, actompkins.org How to help others: If a friend, relative or person you care about might be in an abusive situation, you can’t rescue them, but you can throw a lifeline. Know common signs of abuse. Talk to the person to see if they feel safe. Listen and show the person that you care. Research domestic violence resources and shelters in your local area so you can offer the person alternatives. Help the person make a safety plan. If you are worried you may become an abuser: If you experience rage, anger, or poor impulse control and you are either afraid you might hurt someone or have hurt someone, get professional help immediately to learn how to manage your anger and change your behavior.  https://www.theeap.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/HealthCare-EAPEmployee-Newsletter-October-2018.pdf

PTSD develops differently from person to person because everyone’s nervous system and tolerance for stress is a little different. While you’re most likely to develop symptoms of PTSD in the hours or days following a traumatic event, it can sometimes take weeks, months, or even years before they appear. Sometimes symptoms appear seemingly out of the blue. At other times, they are triggered by something that reminds you of the original traumatic event, such as a noise, an image, certain words, or a smell. Strategies for Coping with PTSD Symptoms Challenge your sense of helplessness: Recovery from PTSD is a gradual, ongoing process. Healing doesn’t happen overnight, nor do the memories of the trauma ever disappear completely. This can make life seem difficult at times. But there are many steps you can take to cope with the residual symptoms and reduce your anxiety and fear. Overcoming your sense of helplessness is key to overcoming PTSD. Trauma leaves you feeling powerless and vulnerable. It’s important to remind yourself that you have strengths and coping skills that can get you through tough times. One of the best ways to reclaim your sense of power is by helping others: volunteer your time, give blood, reach out to a friend in need, or donate to your favorite charity. Taking positive action directly challenges the sense of helplessness that is a common symptom of PTSD. 2. Get Moving : When you’re suffering from PTSD, exercise can do more than release endorphins and improve your mood and outlook. By really focusing on your body and how it feels as you move, exercise can actually help your nervous system become “unstuck” and begin to move out of the immobilization stress response. Try: Rhythmic exercise that engages both your arms and legs, such as walking, running, swimming, or dancing. Instead of focusing on your thoughts, focus on how your body feels. Notice the sensation of your feet hitting the ground, for example, or the rhythm of your breathing, or the feeling of the wind on your skin. Rock climbing, boxing, weight training, or martial arts. These activities can make it easier to focus on your body movements—after all, if you don’t, you could get hurt. Spending time in nature. Pursuing outdoor activities like hiking, camping, mountain biking, rock climbing, whitewater rafting, and skiing helps veterans cope with PTSD symptoms and transition back into civilian life. Anyone with PTSD can benefit from the relaxation, seclusion, and peace that come with being out in nature. Seek out local organizations that offer outdoor recreation or team-building opportunities. 3. Reach out to others for support: PTSD can make you feel disconnected from others. You may be tempted to withdraw from social activities and your loved ones. But it’s important to stay connected to life and the people who care about you. You don’t have to talk about the trauma if you don’t want to, but the caring support and companionship of others is vital to your recovery. Reach out to someone you can connect with for an uninterrupted period of time, someone who will listen when you want to talk without judging, criticizing, or continually getting distracted. That person may be your significant other, a family member, a friend, or a professional therapist. Or you could try: Volunteering your time or reaching out to a friend in need. This is not only a great way to connect to others, but can also help you reclaim your sense of control. Joining a PTSD support group. This can help you feel less isolated and alone and also provide invaluable information on how to cope with symptoms and work towards recovery. 4. Support PTSD treatment with a healthy lifestyle: The symptoms of PTSD can be hard on your body so it’s important to take care of yourself and develop some healthy lifestyle habits. Take time to relax. Relaxation techniques such as meditation, deep breathing, massage, or yoga can activate the body’s relaxation response and ease symptoms of PTSD. Avoid alcohol and drugs. When you’re struggling with difficult emotions and traumatic memories, you may be tempted to self- medicate with alcohol or drugs. But substance use worsens many symptoms of PTSD, interferes with treatment, and can add to problems in your relationships. Eat a healthy diet. Start your day right with breakfast, and keep your energy up and your mind clear with balanced, nutritious meals throughout the day. Omega-3s play a vital role in emotional health so incorporate foods such as fatty fish, flaxseed, and walnuts into your diet. Limit processed food, fried food, refined starches, and sugars, which can exacerbate mood swings and cause fluctuations in your energy. Get enough sleep. Sleep deprivation can trigger anger, irritability, and moodiness. Aim for somewhere between 7 to 9 hours of sleep each night. Develop a relaxing bedtime ritual (listen to calming music, watch a funny show, or read something light) and make your bedroom as quiet, dark, and soothing as possible. Getting professional help for PTSD If you suspect that you or a loved one has post-traumatic stress disorder, it’s important to seek help right away. The sooner PTSD is treated, the easier it is to overcome. If you’re reluctant to seek help, keep in mind that PTSD is not a sign of weakness, and the only way to overcome it is to confront what happened to you and learn to accept it as a part of your past. This process is much easier with the guidance and support of an experienced therapist or doctor. It’s only natural to want to avoid painful memories and feelings. But if you try to numb yourself and push your memories away, PTSD will only get worse. You can’t escape your emotions completely—they emerge under stress or whenever you let down your guard—and trying to do so is exhausting. The avoidance will ultimately harm your relationships, your ability to function, and the quality of your life.  https://www.helpguide.org/articles/ptsd-trauma/ptsd-symptoms-self-help-treatment.htm

What is Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder? A psychiatric disorder that may occur in people who have experienced or witnessed a traumatic event such as a natural disaster, a serious accident, a terrorist act, war/combat, or rape or who have been threatened with death, sexual violence or serious injury. PTSD has been known by many names in the past, such as “shell shock” during the years of World War I and “combat fatigue” after World War II, but PTSD does not just happen to combat veterans. PTSD can occur in all people, of any ethnicity, nationality or culture, and at any age. PTSD affects approximately 3.5 percent of U.S. adults every year, and an estimated one in 11 people will be diagnosed with PTSD in their lifetime. Women are twice as likely as men to have PTSD. Three ethnic groups – U.S. Latinos, African Americans, and American Indians – are disproportionately affected and have higher rates of PTSD than non-Latino whites. People with PTSD have intense, disturbing thoughts and feelings related to their experience that last long after the traumatic event has ended. They may relive the event through flashbacks or nightmares; they may feel sadness, fear or anger; and they may feel detached or estranged from other people. People with PTSD may avoid situations or people that remind them of the traumatic event, and they may have strong negative reactions to something as ordinary as a loud noise or an accidental touch. A diagnosis of PTSD requires exposure to an upsetting traumatic event. The exposure could be indirect rather than first hand. For example, PTSD could occur in an individual learning about the violent death of a close family or friend. It can also occur as a result of repeated exposure to horrible details of trauma such as police officers exposed to details of child abuse cases or any other instance where a person is repeatedly exposed to the distressing details of the trauma experienced by others. Symptoms and Diagnosis Symptoms of PTSD fall into the following four categories. Specific symptoms can vary in severity. Intrusion: Intrusive thoughts such as repeated, involuntary memories; distressing dreams; or flashbacks of the traumatic event. Flashbacks may be so vivid that people feel they are re- living the traumatic experience or seeing it before their eyes. Avoidance: Avoiding reminders of the traumatic event may include avoiding people, places, activities, objects and situations that may trigger distressing memories. People may try to avoid remembering or thinking about the traumatic event. They may resist talking about what happened or how they feel about it. Alterations in cognition and mood: Inability to remember important aspects of the traumatic event, negative thoughts and feelings leading to ongoing and distorted beliefs about oneself or others (e.g., “I am bad,” “No one can be trusted”); distorted thoughts about the cause or consequences of the event leading to wrongly blaming self or other; ongoing fear, horror, anger, guilt or shame; much less interest in activities previously enjoyed; feeling detached or estranged from others; or being unable to experience positive emotions (a void of happiness or satisfaction). Alterations in arousal and reactivity: Arousal and reactive symptoms may include being irritable and having angry outbursts; behaving recklessly or in a self-destructive way; being overly watchful of one's surroundings in a suspecting way; being easily startled; or having problems concentrating or sleeping. Many people who are exposed to a traumatic event experience symptoms similar to those described above in the days following the event. For a person to be diagnosed with PTSD, however, symptoms must last for more than a month and must cause significant distress or problems in the individual's daily functioning. Many individuals develop symptoms within three months of the trauma, but symptoms may appear later and often persist for months and sometimes years. PTSD often occurs with other related conditions, such as depression, substance use, memory problems and other physical and mental health problems. Treatment It is important to note that not everyone who experiences trauma develops PTSD, and not everyone who develops PTSD requires psychiatric treatment. For some people, symptoms of PTSD subside or disappear over time. Others get better with the help of their support system (family, friends or clergy). But many people with PTSD need professional treatment to recover from psychological distress that can be intense and disabling. It is important to remember that trauma may lead to severe distress. That distress is not the individual’s fault, and PTSD is treatable. The earlier a person gets treatment, the better chance of recovery. Psychiatrists and other mental health professionals use various effective (research-proven) methods to help people recover from PTSD. Both talk therapy (psychotherapy) and medication provide effective evidence-based treatments for PTSD. Other treatments including complementary and alternative therapies are also increasingly being used to help people with PTSD. These approaches provide treatment outside the conventional mental health clinic and may require less talking and disclosure than psychotherapy. Examples include acupuncture and animal-assisted therapy. In addition to treatment, many people with PTSD find it very helpful to share their experiences and feelings with others who have similar experiences, such as in a peer support group. https://www.ptsd.va.gov/publications/print/understandingptsd_booklet.pdf

What Is Perfectionism? Perfectionism is a set of self-defeating thought patterns that push you to achieve unrealistic goals, which you falsely believe to be attainable. Why Is Perfectionism a Problem? When perfectionism gets out of control or becomes obsessive, it can harm you both professionally and personally. Let's look at some of the most common problem areas you might experience if you are a maladaptive perfectionist: General Health: According to research from the Journal of Counseling and Development, perfectionism is linked to health issues such as eating disorders, depression, migraines, anxiety, burnout , and personality disorders. The quest for perfection can also result in decreased energy, increased stress, and relationship problems. Another meta-analytic study concluded that perfectionism increases the risk of suicide ideation and attempts. Self-Esteem: Perfectionism can seriously impact your self-esteem. This is because self-worth is often tied to achievement. You believe that other people judge you on your achievements. But, because you're rarely satisfied with what you do achieve due to your unrealistic high standards, you tend to believe that others think little of you and your ability. This can lead to a downward spiral of self-criticism, blame and self-sabotage . It can also trigger Impostor Syndrome , as you often find "evidence" that you're not up to the job. You also risk harming other people's self-esteem by trying to control colleagues' behavior and being over-critical of their performance. Productivity: Perfectionism can damage your productivity, as it often makes you more liable to procrastinate . If you're a perfectionist, you may find that you avoid starting a new project until you've found the absolute best way to approach it. You might also get caught up in minor details or make others repeat tasks that have already been completed because they aren't exactly right. This wastes time that could have been spent on other, more important tasks. In almost every situation, "progress is more important than perfection." Creativity: Perfectionism can prevent you from leaving your comfort zone and taking risks. If you're afraid to make mistakes, it's difficult to generate new ideas and seize opportunities, and your creativity can suffer as a result. Dealing With Perfectionism The following seven strategies can help you to mitigate the negative effects of perfectionism: Challenge Your Behavior - If you think that you have a problem with perfectionism, start by challenging your behavior and beliefs. List some of the things that you do that must be "perfect." Perhaps you feel that you need to check your work multiple times before turning it in, or you like to create overly detailed plans before you start a new project. Next to each behavior that you've listed, write down why you believe that this activity must be perfect. Perhaps you resist delegating tasks to a co-worker because you don't trust their ability. Or you stay late at the office to check their work when you could be relaxing at home or spending time on other projects. Finally, think about how you might overcome these behaviors or beliefs. For example, could you delegate one task a day, then review it just once to make sure that it's been done correctly? Set Realistic Goals - Perfectionists often set their objectives so high that there's little hope of ever achieving them. Instead, learn how to set realistic goals . Think about your most important life and career goals. Then, break them down into smaller monthly or yearly steps. Not only will this make it easier to reach your objectives, but you'll also experience the thrill of achieving these smaller goals. Listen to Your Emotions - If you're feeling anxious or unhappy about a task, your instincts may be telling you that you're trying to achieve the impossible. Listen to them and adjust your targets accordingly! Perfectionists are often prone to negative self-talk; your thoughts may become self-fulfilling prophecies. Remember, positive thinking is often associated with positive action and outcomes. Try using affirmations or thought awareness to question your negative thoughts and inject some positivity! Don't Fear Mistakes - Mistakes are part of life. They show that you're not afraid to push yourself and try new things. In fact, they can provide rich learning experiences that teach you far more than a flawless performance. So, next time you make one, accept it, learn from it, and move on! Readjust Your Personal Rules - Perfectionists often live by a rigid set of rules. Your rules might be to check every email at least three times before you send it, or to never leave a crumb on the kitchen counter. While it's great to have high personal standards, they must be flexible and helpful, rather than unrelenting and unrealistic. Identify one rule that you live by that's too rigid, and reword it to be more forgiving. For example, maybe you could reread only the most important emails before you send them. Focus on the Bigger Picture - Perfectionism can cause "tunnel vision" – when you focus on one small part of something and ignore the rest. You might, for instance, obsess about getting a minor part of a presentation right, like the fonts or special effects, instead of concentrating on the substance and meaning that you are trying to convey. Remember to keep your focus on the bigger picture. Your failings will seem much less significant and you'll reduce the urge to be perfect. Relax – Go With the Flow - The pursuit of perfection can make it extremely difficult to relax and be spontaneous. Perfectionists prefer to maintain focus and to stick rigidly to their carefully laid plans. But relaxation and spontaneity aren't just necessary for a healthy life; they can also improve your productivity and well-being. And you'll be better at keeping perfectionism under control if you're feeling rested, clear-headed and happy. Take regular breaks at work. Get outside, be open to new experiences and new people, make use of relaxation techniques, and recognize when you need to switch off. https://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/perfectionism.htm